Notes from an insomniac

Observations on life at 4:30 a.m.
Television is at its total worst at this time of day. It's easy to see the visual representation of the downfall of our world played out in grand scale through early morning programming. Now, don't get me wrong. If you need to buy makeup or acne skin care items, or have a burning urge for K-Tel's current version of Classic Soul Ballads, or want to be blessed by some guy promising you a miracle cure if you plant a seed of a thousand bucks (because then you get his super-duper groovy prayer piece of lint, or holy lint roller, if you will) because then you will reap the benefits of the MONEY that you sow, then this is your time. Quite possibly you might stumble across a program explaining the benefits of a ballistic blender or a roaster/juicer/grill/rotisserie that will not only cook your chicken at RECORD SPEED but will also juice all the vegetables before roasting them and then drain all the fat away. Then it cleans itself and puts itself in the cupboard. If you call in the next 6 minutes you get the extra special version which will sing to you while it cooks/drains/juices. If you don't need all that extra juice because you spend too much time in the bathroom as it is, there's some medication advertised around 5 which will fix you right up.

I think that maybe Satan's giving us a little preview of Hell here. Quite possibly, aside from the eternal burning and stench of rot and total deprivation from the presence of God, there might also be this little corner of the Outer Darkness which is devoted entirely to infomercials and muzak. And I think there's a nice, extra horrible spot reserved for fake preachers and false prophets.